


The Only Time I'd Ever Call You Mine

by ItsCalledWhiskey



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsCalledWhiskey/pseuds/ItsCalledWhiskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fighting a losing battle with her desires, Jessica tries to keep herself distracted with anything but what she truly wants. Bourbon can only go so far....</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Only Time I'd Ever Call You Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Thought of this while listening to "The Hills" by The Weekend...

She felt her world shake and become fuzzy with the connection of his fist to her face. It was rare that she let someone get the upper hand, but she needed to feel something other than what she was feeling. Another hit…a jab to the ribs. She broke his nose for that. He countered with a right hook to her face. 'Ouch' she thought as she stumbled back…a combination hit, a jab to his stomach, a left hook to the side of his head, and one swift uppercut to his chin took him down. Not that she needed to exert herself, but it felt good. Opening her mouth while cracking her neck she let out a sigh. She needed to escape this burning, sinking, twisted feeling she has been living with, day in and day out. This was the only way. Not even the strongest bourbon could take it away. Only pain. Real, physical pain. He reached out, groaning in pain and grabbed her worn leather boot…she kicked him in the jaw. "Not today, asshole." she said as she walked away with a slight smile on her face.

Walking back to her apartment in the cold, dark night, she started to feel it again. The emptiness that slowly crept up. Enveloping her entire being, inch by inch like rising water when you know you're going to drown but you can't stop it. Trapped. Knowing it will overtake you. 'Breathe…just breathe.' Jessica told herself. Trying to remember some self help advice she looked up on the internet for panic attacks, if that's what this even was. Not that she thought that shit even helped, but it was worth a try when it felt this bad. Street names may work for ridding her mind of Kilgrave but this? This was something else entirely. Along with her shallow breaths came images. Images of long blond hair, golden, toned skin, and eyes of the most penetrating green. She couldn't fight it. She broke into a run. Thinking maybe if she felt the ice cold wind against her face while running home she could chase the thoughts from her mind. She stopped just short of slamming into the front doors of her building. The elevator ride seemed like an eternity. Once she shut the broken, sad excuse of a door to her apartment, she sunk into the chair at her desk. Instantly unscrewing the top to the bottle of Evan Williams sitting by her computer. No time for a glass. This was a straight from the bottle kind of night. 

She leaned back into the chair, closing her eyes, feeling the warmth of the burning liquid coursing through her. This helped. More than any stupid breathing exercise. This and fighting. The only two things that made a dent in this feeling. All of this was too much for her to grasp. Finding out that the devil himself was very much alive and back to cause her pain and suffering was hard enough to deal with. All this strategizing and trying to find a way to catch him...to stop him. This was too much. She couldn't bear to let this feeling grow, to let it be exposed. What would happen? What would she lose if she just gave in to it? She would lose everything…of that she was certain. Not worth it. She looked at the bottle as if waiting for it to give her the answer, but she knew she wouldn’t find it there...but another mouthful wouldn’t hurt. There it was again. The eyes…soft, pink lips…"GOD DAMN IT!" Jessica yelled out loud as she jumped up quickly from her chair and put her fist halfway through the wall behind the desk. Drywall fell in crumbles at her feet. 'Great. Another hole to fix' she thought to herself, dropping her arms to her side and hanging her head with a sigh.

 

There had to be a way to rid herself of these intruding feelings. Something that would make them go away for good and leave her alone. Nothing came to mind. All she kept doing was absentmindedly picking up her phone and staring blankly at the screen, hoping to see her name. This just isn't going to work. 'Maybe if I just talk to her…or go see her, I can forget all this. Besides, it's probably just because we finally saw each other after six months of silence…maybe I was just caught off guard by seeing Robocop coming out of her bedroom. I’m just feeling protective. Just some weird thing I have to get over. That's all it is. Yeah…' she thought. No. ‘Uggghhh….I can’t even lie to myself.’ she thought, closing her eyes tight furrowing her brow. She has ALWAYS felt something for Trish. There was no denying how her mind wandered on those nights when they would sit up and laugh and drink, before Kilgrave took her life from her and ruined everything. She smiles to herself thinking of the things that used to run through her mind. The feeling was returning. The bottle of bourbon was empty…”Shit.” All she could do now was run. She grabbed her jacket, slipped on her gloves, wrapped her scarf around her neck and headed for the door. Once outside her building, the cold air did nothing to break the hold this feeling had on her. Jessica walked around the block to the convenience store and purchased a pint of whiskey and immediately began drinking the bottle as she wandered aimlessly through Hell’s Kitchen. The alcohol was working on her, she began to feel like she could breathe again. That was until she stopped as she realized where she was standing. How did she make it all the way to Trish’s building and not even notice that’s where she was headed? How did she manage to wander without a care in the world about whether or not Kilgrave had someone lurking around every corner to take her out? Trish...that’s how. She was clouding Jessica’s every thought. 

As she drained the rest of the bottle, she gazed up toward the penthouse balcony. A new feeling emerged at that moment. It was a slow burn that she suspected was the bourbon warming her stomach, but the burn made it’s way lower and it was only getting stronger. “DING!” she was startled by an incoming text alert from her phone. Pulling it from the back pocket of her jeans, she saw the name she had been hoping to see all night. A simple “Hi…” was all she wrote. With that, Jessica looked left to right, making sure she wouldn’t be seen, and she jumped. As many times as she did this, she still never got the layout of the patio memorized. One of the many potted plants suffered for her miscalculation this time. “God DAMN it!” she yelled as she looked up to see Trish at the door, rubbing her forehead, shaking her head and smiling. “Nice, Jess. Murder my plants.” she said with a laugh. “Hey...I did you a favor. It didn’t quite blend with the decor.” she said with a smirk, walking past Trish into the dimly lit living room. 

Jessica didn’t take time to clean up after her recent altercation earlier this evening. “Jesus Christ, Jess! What the hell happened to you?” Trish exclaimed while rushing to Jessica’s side at the couch once she caught sight of the bruising just above her left cheekbone. Closing her eyes at the touch of Trish’s fingers underneath her left eye, she felt her skin heat up about 100 degrees. “NOTHING! I’m fine...God!” she exclaimed, pulling back as if her friend was annoying her. “Jess...this is not nothing. I know you have brute strength and all but don’t you ever think it would be wise to have some proper fighting technique?” Trish said with her usual look of concern creasing her brow. “Proper fighting technique? That sounds expensive.” Jessica said, matter of factly while walking to the kitchen cabinet to pour herself a drink from Trish’s stash kept especially for her. “Not when your best friend has a home gym and is well versed in the art of Krav Maga.” Trish said, eyebrows raised and lips pulled into a small smile. “You, teach ME how to fight?” Jessica asked with a laugh while pouring a generous amount of bourbon into a glass. She downed the contents immediately and before she could pour another, Trish was at her side.

Without being able to protest, Trish was pulling her toward her old room...the gym. As she realized what was happening, she stopped, carefully removing Trish’s grasp on her arm. “Seriously...we are NOT doing this. You can’t teach me how to fight. That’s ridiculous. You couldn’t possibly…” without being able to finish her sentence, Jessica found herself spun around so quickly and slammed hard into the nearest wall, left arm held firmly behind her back, while her right arm was held tightly against the wall above her head. “You were saying?” asked Trish, with a smile in her voice. Clearly proud of herself that she was able to surprise and overtake the inhumanly strong Jessica Jones. Typically, this would have never happened, but Jessica had let her guard down. She always did when it came to Trish Walker. The sense of being momentarily under her control made that burning feeling return, tenfold. The feeling she had been fighting all these weeks had returned. It was flooding her, making it hard to breathe. She could feel the heat radiating off of Trish’s body...the feel of her friend’s chest pressing hard against her back...her hot breath on the back of her neck. Not knowing what to do or how to react, she countered the hold by pushing off on her right arm, twisting around fast while grabbing hold of Trish’s wrist and pinning her in the exact same way. “I was saying, that I don’t think you can teach me how to fight.” she breathed into her ear. Before letting go, she took that moment to enjoy the close proximity of their bodies. She took in the floral scent of Trish’s hair mixed with the sweet smell of her perfume on her neck. She noticed at that moment the way Trish arched her hips out to meet Jessica. She didn’t have to know Krav Maga to know this wasn’t a fighting technique. The feeling she had been running from immediately transformed into pure desire. Jessica realized now what this was. She wanted Trish. She needed her. More than she needed to keep breathing. At that moment, her grip loosened and Trish spun herself around to face Jessica. Their faces mere inches apart, hands still touching. Trish had never let anyone be in control of her. No partner was ever able to be the one calling the shots. She was too afraid to let her guard down. She just couldn’t. The moment she met Jessica’s eyes, and saw the burning desire staring back at her. “I think I can take you…” Trish said, her voice almost at a whisper, staring down at Jessica’s magenta lips, licking her own. ‘It’s now or never, Jones.’ Jessica said to herself, scared to death.  
She dipped her head down and captured Trish’s bottom lip between her teeth. Nothing could have prepared either of them for this. Trish lost herself in that moment. Her hands reached up and she entangled her fingers in jet black hair while Jessica grabbed at her hips, lifting her up off the ground. Trish instinctively wrapped her legs around Jessica’s waist, while deepening their kiss. The feeling of Jessica’s tongue on hers made her whole body quiver with excitement and anticipation. Jessica couldn’t hardly contain herself. This was it. This was all she ever wanted and it took her this long to realize it. Trish pushed off from the wall but Jessica slammed her back into it, using as little as her strength as possible. The drywall still crumbled behind Trish’s back. A moan escaped Trish’s mouth that was quickly silenced by Jessica’s lips. Not that she was complaining.

“Jess...the bed. Please.” was all Trish could get out between kisses while practically ripping the hair from Jessica’s head. “Maybe it’s time I teach YOU something.” Jessica said in a breathless voice against Trish’s neck as she made her way from her lips to her throat with kisses. Trish grinded her hips into Jessica hard in reaction to the warm graze of her wet lips against her skin. Jessica stepped backwards, fully supporting Trish in her arms. She guided her up the landing and back to the kitchen, propping Trish up on the island. “The bed is that way!” Trish said breathlessly against Jessica’s lips. “Lesson one...beds are optional.” Jessica said with a sly smile, pressing her hand firmly against Trish’s abdomen, gently pushing her down to lay on the countertop. Closing her eyes and surrendering to her friends magical touch, Trish let out a sigh as she heard the buttons from her shirt hitting multiple surfaces across the room as Jessica ripped it open. She felt wet, hot kisses being placed on every inch of exposed skin. From her jaw to her neck to her breasts, down to her belly button and all along the waistband of her jeans, those of which made her feel she was about to completely lose control. It felt as though the room was on fire, slowly burning all around them. Every kiss was a burning ember falling upon her skin. Jessica undid the button while raising her eyes to meet Trish’s, as if to ask for permission to continue. Her answer was a breathless “Yes…” as Trish let her head drop back. Jessica slowly pulled the zipper down with her teeth, then began sliding the fabric down, dragging her nails along Trish’s legs as she did so. Jessica continued by kissing her way back up the path she had just taken. Delicately using her teeth in between kisses and running her tongue along smooth, hot skin. “Jess...please...please…” Trish begged. 

Trish let out a hiss as Jessica sunk her teeth into her hip bone. “Lesson two...begging is only going to make me tease you more.” The excitement and happiness Jessica felt at this moment was almost more than she could handle. This was everything she had ever wanted. The one thing that could make her feel whole and it took her this long to figure it out. Since she could remember, being near Trish, being in her life....it all made her feel like everything just might be okay. How did she never see this before? Doesn’t matter now. At this moment, she was exactly where she wanted and needed to be. 

“So...you mentioned teaching me something?” Trish said, breathlessly as Jessica continued her assault on Trish’s abdomen with searing hot kisses. “Mmmmm….yeah. About that…” Jessica replied while hooking her index fingers under Trish’s panties, starting to slowly slide them down. As if the universe wanted nothing more than to destroy her, everything changed at that moment. A simple knock at the door and the disgustingly familiar voice of someone saying “Trish?” was enough to rip her from her reverie. She felt nauseous and confused and didn’t know where to go from here. Trish tried to sit up, unsure of what she should do at this point but Jessica gave her a mischievous smile and pushed her back down and said “Uh uh...we’re in the middle of a lesson…” as she dipped her head down, her tongue making contact on the place Trish had wanted it all along. 

It was as if her body was struck by an electric current. She felt her blood run cold to boiling in a matter of seconds. The pounding on the door continued relentlessly. “Trish! I know you’re in there!” Simpson’s voice boomed. “Lesson three...ignore him and focus on me. You're mine.” Jessica said matter of factly just before continuing bringing Trish closer to the edge. Trish couldn’t breathe...she needed more. She reached down lacing Jessica’s raven hair through her fingers, pulling her closer, silently asking for more. Just as she felt she was about to come undone, she closed her eyes to surrender herself to Jessica and with that, the feeling was gone. She opened her eyes. 

It was daylight. She was in her bed...alone. Sitting upright in an instant, feeling extremely lost and foolish, she heard the banging again. “Trish! Come on please let me in!” Simpson said from her front door. It was then she realized it was all a dream. She felt hot tears streaming down her face. “Just a dream…” she whispered to herself. As if still following Jessica’s last words in the dream, Trish found her phone and sent a text to that familiar number. “Dinner tonight?” she asked. Maybe tonight...maybe she could finally tell her best friend that she was in love with her. Trish lay her head back down, doing just as she was told. Ignore him...focus on Jessica.


End file.
